![\"cotton](\"http:\/\/www.surfacefine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/cotton-photo.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\nSo yes, did I have a healthy relationship with food while I was growing-up? Other than practically choking to death on peanut butter laden graham cracker sandwiches, hiding melting ice cream under my bed, and possibly being the most naive sophomore in my college, yes, I had a wonderful relationship with food.<\/p>\n
During college, my weight went up and down. \u00a0For the most part it went up, not down. \u00a0After I graduated, I worked with a woman who was A Dieter. \u00a0She started doing Atkins. \u00a0She lost weight. \u00a0I was used to trying to eat lower carb since it made my blood glucose levels more stable. \u00a0I read everything I could about low carb and diabetes. \u00a0I started following the Atkins diet too. \u00a0I lost weight. \u00a0I took less insulin.<\/p>\n
When I decided to get an insulin pump (after years of wavering on the idea), my doctors pushed me to eat more carbohydrates. \u00a0As I grew accustomed to my pump, I also realized I had a heck of a lot more flexibility with when and what I could eat (or graze-eat). \u00a0In the blink of an eye, I found myself embracing the idea of eating whatever I wanted. \u00a0I ate cookies for breakfast… a lot. \u00a0I would read the nutrition info and beep, beep, beep, perfect bg’s as I wiped the cookie crumbs from my mouth.<\/p>\n
Shortly after my I-have-a-pump-I-don’t-need-to-take-a-zillion-shots eating fest started, I had my first true heartbreak and suddenly eating was painful. \u00a0I simply couldn’t eat. \u00a0I ate so little a day it was alarming. \u00a0I NEVER felt well when I ate. \u00a0I got really skinny. \u00a0I went to therapy when my CDE sat me down and told me they all were worried. \u00a0Therapy helped.<\/p>\n
I didn’t want to gain back all the weight I’d lost, but I wanted to be healthy. \u00a0I went to yoga. \u00a0I tried different types of yoga. \u00a0I ate more. \u00a0I learned about me. \u00a0I started to put more weight than I wanted back on. \u00a0My co-worker started the Fat Flush Diet. \u00a0She talked about it A Lot. \u00a0I read the book and did the diet too. \u00a0I felt obsessive about what I ate and had lists and lists of foods I didn’t eat. \u00a0I found myself weighing myself morning and night. \u00a0I combined the diet with Atkins. \u00a0I couldn’t get rid of any of the weight I’d gained. \u00a0I did more yoga. \u00a0I got a treadmill in my office and walked. \u00a0I switched to The South Beach diet. \u00a0Still there was little change in my weight.<\/p>\n
I learned from all these diet books, I learned lots of conflicting info too, I tried hybrids of all these diets. \u00a0The control I lacked in my personal life was all directed into control of what I ate. \u00a0I ate a lot of diet foods. \u00a0I ate weird and expensive foods. \u00a0I made recipes for “normal foods” out of ingredients I could only only buy in “health food” stores.<\/p>\n
I’m not sure when exactly it happened. \u00a0I dated again, I had relationships that ended in heartbreak but my weight wasn’t affected like that first time. \u00a0I tried different exercises. \u00a0I moved. \u00a0I lived my life. \u00a0My weight went up and down but not huge fluctuations.<\/p>\n
By the time I reached my early 30s, other things stole my attention and obsessing over diets went out the window. \u00a0You know what else went out the window? \u00a0My scale. \u00a0I don’t weigh myself. \u00a0I know when I’ve gained weight because my clothes get tight. \u00a0I decided to make an investment in myself. \u00a0I got a trainer at my gym. \u00a0 If I could justify all the money spent on health foods, I could splurge on a trainer. \u00a0A trainer taught me to really use the equipment at my gym (I’m paying to go there, why didn’t I know how to use 1\/2 the equipment).<\/p>\n
Keeping myself on a schedule to workout is important to me. \u00a0It’s a physical and mental need too. \u00a0My relationship with food has improved over the years. \u00a0I still don’t have a great relationship with peanut butter (especially the fancy kind). \u00a0Ironic that the food I raced to eat at recess is the demise of my will power. \u00a0I don’t store a lot of food in my home (it’s NYC, I don’t have much space for anything) and I don’t eat all the food on my plate and that’s OK. \u00a0I try to mix protein with my carbs because it gives me stability with my bgs and I think helps my energy levels. Oh, and I have still have never had cotton candy. \u00a0It may NOT be made from cotton balls, but its hard to un-see that one.<\/p>\n
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I read blog posts from fellow DOC-ers last week regarding National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. \u00a0During a busy work week, I read most of them while in bed, late at night, which led to all sorts of weird food dreams, … Continue reading