New Rates And Some Other Stuff

Endo appointment yesterday.  Didn’t have high hopes (high, ha) as I have been running way TOO high lately, especially overnight.  A1c is a higher than it has been in 3 years.  Disappointing but not surprising (up .3 BUT that takes me to the next whole number and that I seriously dislike).  Also gained a chunk of weight.  More than I thought, but not upsetting as I missed having a butt.  Baby Got Back can’t be my favorite song without some junk in the trunk right?

Adjusted some basal rates with my doctor as the last adjustments did zilch.

New basals worked way TOO well overnight. Ooof.  This morning’s headache plus allergies was like being b*tched slapped by my pump and then a bag of freshly cut grass… over and over again.

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Also, I found a whole bunch of hearts this morning. And TONS the last few days.  Timing. Found: hearts . I still have a lot to add.  I find myself walking routes where I know I will see hearts that I’ve already met.  If nothing else, it’s a good breathing exercise.  See a heart, take a HUGE deep breath.

According to FitBit, I’m averaging just shy of 40 miles a week.  How the H-E-double-hockey-sticks is that possible?!?  Amazing.  That’s all walking!  Cray.

There appears to be another shot (shots, ha) at my getting into an artificial pancreas trial.  I don’t want to think too much about it and set myself up for disappointment but the idea of this old body being used for diabetes progress is deliriously exciting.  Stop thinking about it.  Easier to say than do.

My 35th diaversary is approaching next month.  My feelings on this are a tangled web.  I should write about that, as maybe I’m not the only one?  35 years of this fear and giving myself incessant mental pep talks is a really long time.

In other news, my eye is FINALLY healing (and an allergy puff ball).

eyeheal

This past Saturday, I said goodbye to two of the very biggest Alecia’s Stem Cells supporters.  They were with me from the very beginning of founding ASC.  Saturday would have been their 60th wedding anniversary.  Now they are back together.  Also, being on a moving dock with ashes is a possible recipe for disaster.  Life is short.  Never lose sight of the wonderful experiences you’ve had along the way.  The people who believe in you… hug them, love them, appreciate them.  Sappy-McSappster moment.

GBK

A few other random thoughts and observations:  50 Cent should stick to rap, I need to try pump sites in my lower back, Maya Angelou was one hell of a woman, and I may have seen Apollo Creed at a train station in Jersey on memorial day.

apollo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Punching Vampires?

I am distracted at work today.  I’ve had yucky, sticky blood sugars for almost 3 days now.  Mostly 200s that won’t budge (well there was a brief break on Saturday afternoon) unless they go up to the 300s and at one LONG point on the commute yesterday, a lovely HIGH reading.  UGH.  I have temporary basaled like crazy, way over-bolused out of frustration without any success, and attempted to flood myself with liquids.  2 insulin vial changes and 5 (yeah that’s right 5) site changes. 1 site hurt, 1 was so much worse than hurting… more like stabbing, but ALL 5 bled when I pulled them.  I did a site change at the office this morning only to realize I had used up my desk stash of reservoirs.  I couldn’t run home at the time, so I gave myself an injection.  When was the last time I used a syringe?  No clue, but it looked surprisingly tiny to me.  As I went to inject myself, my hand started to shake as I got the needle just shy of my skin.  My first thought, we’re having an earthquake.  Nope.  Tried again.  Same thing.  Still not an earthquake.  3rd try, I got it.  30 minutes later, I left for more pump supplies and to finish the site change.  I’ve been using the 6 mm Insets for the past few months and switched to one 9mm once today to no avail.  I have (temporarily) fixed quite a few electronics by hitting them against a table when nothing else seemed to work (have you met my TV remote control?).  So here’s my thinking…I would like to punch myself in the pancreas and see if that helps… you know, like a jump start.  Even if it were just temporary, I could use a break from this today.  It’s upsetting and scary.  This current pump site doesn’t hurt.  I don’t want to get too relieved just yet as It’s too early to tell if it’s working (fingers crossed)  Seriously though?  5 vampire cannulas?  5 in a row?  REALLY?

DEX high

So what’s the positive spin?  I certainly appreciate ALL the times that things like this DO NOT happen.  I appreciate all the times I forget I’m on a pump because it isn’t vampire bloody hell hurting me.  I appreciate that my mouth doesn’t normally taste like I’m sucking on pennies (gag).  I appreciate that people donate their time and money to diabetes research.  I appreciate that diet ginger ale is sold within my office building.  I appreciate that aside from all this diabetes madness I did have a nice weekend.  I also appreciate that I discovered Jumping Beans are a really thing (I had no idea).

If anyone wants to help me with this punch-my-pancreas-reset-experiment, just let me know.  I may however be busy be doing another site change.  Grrrrr.

 

Captain, Tenille and Dora the Explorer Take the Subway

I hopped the subway last week, late in the afternoon.  It wasn’t rush hour, but was just crowded enough that I didn’t get a seat.  I stood against the door and within a second I noticed the woman sitting across from me.  She was older, significantly overweight, and had a haircut that reminded me of Tennile (of Captain and Tennile fame… yes I date myself with my old lady Pop culture references).  I’ve lived in NYC a long time.  I have encountered my fair share of crazy.  Heck, I’m pretty sure there are people who readily describe me as crazy.  I’m not gonna lie, she gave off a crazy vibe.

Image from http://abclocal.go.com/ktrk/story?section=news/entertainment&id=9404844

Image from ABC News

My eyes immediately spotted something on her lap (you know, after I’d finished thinking myself quite the smartie recalling Tennile’s name and hair style).  The woman on the subway held onto a box with both hands.   The box was bright yellow and I immediately recognized the device photographed on the front.  That mini Freestyle blood glucose meter.  The top of the box was ripped off and paperwork was sticking out.  My heart lept.  One of MY PEOPLE.  I kept staring in a you-are -half-staring-at-people-on-the-subway sort of way.  I wondered what her story was.  I thought I should tell her I’m diabetic too.  My internal dialog then laughed at me.  If I saw another woman on the subway would I say to her, “hey I’m a woman too” and high-five her?  If I saw someone with the same brand of sneakers on would I say, “Oh I love Brooks too.. we should be running friends”?  I kept my non-staring, staring.  At the next stop, the person next to Tennile With The Freestyle Meter, got off the train so I grabbed the seat.  I sat there thinking, “Should I say something?  Am I crazier than this lady since I’m having this whole conversation in my head?  Why is there so much stuff sticking out of that box?”

Freestyle image from Walgreens

Freestyle image from Walgreens

I made a deal with myself.  If she didn’t get off at the next stop, I would say something.  We diabetics need to stick together right?  Being kind is a personal goal of mine and chatting is kindness right?  Sort of?  Or am I just a busy body who should be reading my book and minding my own business?

The next stop.  Tenille FreeStyle didn’t budge.  Neither did I.

Go time!

“Hi.  I noticed your glucose meter box (me, pointing at box).  Do you have diabetes?”

She barely turned her head (another sign of crazy maybe) and answered, “Yes”.

“Me too!” (I tried to sound like “yeah, whatever, cool” but am pretty sure I probably sounded way too excited, like a cartoon character).

She turned slightly but was still looking at me out of the corner of her eyes.  I also now had the attention of some fellow commuters who were practicing their non-staring-totally-staring look.  She said, “Doctor says I got it again real bad.  Blood over 300.  They gave me this” (I’m going to assume this was the box with the BG meter).

Hmmmm.  “Again”  threw me a bit.  “Got it real bad” made me wince slightly in that my-pancreas-quit-when-I-was-6-years-old-and-I’m-pretty-sure-I-don’t-have-it-“real good” kind of way.  Oh and did your doctor actually say that, because if so I’d like to rattle them.

My turn.

“Well I’ve been diabetic for almost 35 years.  It isn’t easy, but if I can do it, you can do it too.”

Tenille FreeStyle turned to look at me. She quickly looked me up and down and turned back to facing forward.

Nothing.  Awkward silence.  Ummmmm.

Next stop a woman got onto the subway with a very small child.  There were many more people now.  Unlike my fellow seated commuters who apparently were raised by wolves, I offered my seat to the woman with a kid who looked exactly like Dora The Explorer.  She nodded, took my seat, and pulled Dora onto her lap.

I stood to an angle overlooking Tenille FreeStyle.  Her eyes darted around but she definitely was NOT making eye contact with me.  Next stop, more people.  Now I had to move further from Tenille FreeStyle.  Well that was a bust.  At least Dora the Explorer was smiling at me.

My stop.  Dora and her Mom were getting off ahead of me.  I saw Tenille Freestyle give me a darting look as she slid into the corner spot where Dora and her Mom were sitting.  I thought I should say something.  What?  “Good luck”?  That sounded so lame but I needed to get off the train and way too many people were exiting all at once.  I looked down.  Tenille FreeStyle beat me too it.

“Thanks for talking.”

I’m not sure if she meant diabetes stuff or just that I spoke to her.

“I meant what I said, even when it doesn’t feel like it, you REALLY can do this.”

She thanked me again and said OK and I gave her a big smile.

I got off the train.  The whole thing was odd.  I blocked people getting on the train and they were clearly angry pushing into me as they tried getting where they were going.  I was the lone salmon swimming against the 6 train.

I walked down the platform thinking about Tenille Freestyle.   She’d smiled back at me as I left the train.  Her teeth were very mangled.  I thought how I really need to make a dentist appointment.  I thought how this little experience wasn’t a diabetes thing at all (I mean it is but it’s more than that).  It’s about being compassionate.  It’s about being kind.  But was I just kind because of diabetes?  I never would have spoken to her otherwise.  My immediate reaction was something was off with her.  I spoke to her because I thought she probably has diabetes and therefore I felt compelled to say something.  Hmmm.

I thought about how there are plenty of times that I feel burdened by diabetes.  That I am scared, sometimes really scared and that there are times I don’t feel I can necessarily just do it.  I usually keep these thoughts to myself.  Saying it out loud could make it true (and send up a major red flag to people who know me and give me a few more points in the crazy column).

Did I just lie to Tenille FreeStyle?  No.  I told her the truth.  I do think she can do it, and it is not easy.  If I’m willing to believe in a stranger, I need to believe a bit more in myself too.

Thanks Tenille FreeStyle.

*Please note: in an earlier paragraph I referenced people raised by wolves perhaps lacking the manners to give up their seat on the subway to someone in need.  I do not personally know any wolves.  I’m sorry if any wolves were offended by my comment.

 

A Thorny Issue

I have a work event tonight and am the acting office floral expert.

Was attacked by a rose while getting the blossoms in tip top shape.

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What’s a diabetic to do? Perfect timing for a BG check!

And almost as easy as 1-2-3 (the Dexcom pic was from earlier today.  I was too busy bleeding to take BG pics).

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Wordy Wednesday – Strength

I had something else planned for Wordless Wednesday but the quote below crossed my path and stopped me in my tracks this morning.

This applies to things far, far beyond diabetes, huh?

And to the person I was thinking about at the exact moment I saw this quote, this is for you.  You are a star in my world.  xo

“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can let it define you,

let it destroy you,

or you can let it strengthen you.”

Ricochet. Grrrrrrr.

Ricochet. Grrrrrrr.

And in other news, this morning’s awesome Viper workout (oh boy am I going to be sore) resulted in a bg of 82 and a straight down Dexcom arrow in the last 5 minutes.  Grrrrr *shaking fist at sky*.  Quick Sticks to the rescue but I was running so late, and didn’t have time to wait it out before I hopped in the shower.  I am almost positive I washed my hair with body gel and washed my body with conditioner.  My skin feels very slippery (but soft and detangled).  I’m not-so-patiently chasing down the ricochet bg high that is occurring.  Ah diabetes… why so sassy today?

 

 

 

Wear it Well

Today I am D hidden. 3 of my D “accessories” are under my dress.  My pump is tucked into the left hip of my tights, my pump is connected to a pink Inset on my tummy, and there’s a Dexcom G4 sensor with some rhinestones on the back of my right arm.

Two people have commented on my necklace which is on full display.  Both thought it was some type of stone or quartz.  Nope.  It’s my used Verio IQ bg test strips (made into a pendant necklace).

There’s beauty everywhere.

verio cross

A quote I read the other day made me smirk:

“I’m tired of all the nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want — an adorable pancreas?” -Jean Kerr

Photo Week in Review 1/21/13

Just some images that explain this week (and happy Friday).

Wk review 1.21

From top left: NEW D toys matched up for the first time since my robot self was upgraded in December.  I love that they matched at an awesome number (yes, I have doggie sheets).

My Dec G4 sensor was more OFF than stuck ON me by Tuesday.  I was waiting it out since I still hadn’t received new sensors and was growing concerned.  I’d only received 4 sensors with my initial shipment (unlike my 7+ where I got 3 boxes from the beginning).

Look what arrived!  Yep, a phone call and less than 48 hours and *presto*!  Sensors Ahoy!

It’s Friday which means Blue Friday and me taking off pics of myself at my desk.  Since it is FREEZING in my office, I will be wearing this cozy scarf all day and possibly gloves and my hat with ear flaps.